Jalapeno Hot Sauces

When Acid Rain Hot Sauce rains upon your palette, we forecast a serious rise in precipitation from every pore. First the beads of sweat form on your forehead. Then your upper lip drips as the snot runs from your nose. Then, as your tears well up, they spill onto your cheeks and right into the sauce. Next, the rings under your arms widen as the sweat pours out of your pits. And trickle, trickle, trickle---the last place you wanted water to collect. The long bead of sweat rolls down you back and straight down your crack. This rain will soak you.

For some reason, Arrogant Bastard Ale just thinks it is better than everyone else on the planet. And, well, perhaps it is. You know this kind of sauce. The sauce that claims to be the best, the hottest, the most unique. You will not know whether it is true or not until you taste it, but we can vouch for the validity of this sauce's vanity. It is smokin' hot, hella good and you need to try it!

Camel Toe Hot Sauce is like arid desert heat between your lips. And sorta like Iraq between your crack. Hot and miserable, but quite something to behold. With the burn you get from this sauce, you might need another pair of pants on hand, in case you can't make it to the bathroom, or in case you get a little bloatey. Better put on your stretchy old woman pants, you may need room for the expansion. We are talking good old-fashioned elastic britches.

Hands down, Crazy Mother Pucker's Habitual Jalapeno Hot Sauce is habit-forming. Anytime you are around it, you get the munchies. You can't put it down. All you want to do is relax and take a little bit of this sauce because it is something that is so absolutely eye-opening. This sauce will expand your mind, but hopefully it will not send you on a bad trip. If it does, we think it will probably be a trip to the bathroom.

Ouchie-wa-wa, Dave's Hurtin' Jalapeno Hot Sauce smarts. Better call a wambulance, 'cause you will be crying once you ingest this pain in a bottle. Technically, this bottle should probably carry a warning label or something, but we will just give you a verbal warning here. Do not be stupid. Use with caution. Slippery when wet. Okay, that last one was just silly, but you cannot be too careful when it comes to what you do with this sauce!

Kids are definitely not cheaper by the dozen, and they are not exactly cheap in 8s. You can pretty much forget all about me time, you can forget about alone time, and you can forget the very notion of time itself. Time becomes inconsequential when there are so many mouths to feed. Like John and Kate Plus 8, Dave's Total Insanity Hot Sauce robs you of time, because you will start spending all of your time with it.

You could probably fry an egg with your ass after tasting Feel the Heat hot sauce. Would you like that thing sunny side up? Or over easy? No matter how you want it, it will probably sound dirty when you ask! You better not egg us on here. Maybe all of that was a bit perverted and inappropriate for us to even say, but we did not verbalize that you were not already thinking. You are welcome.

Consider big stars Shia LaBeouf, Christian Bale and Kanye West and their penchant for blowing a gasket. How could these guys look so innocent and sweet, yet be so darn hot headed? Georgia Peach & Vidalia Onion Hot Sauce makes you ask the very same question. Peaches and Vidalia does not scream hot right away. Sounds laid back and Southern, but it is all about the situation you put the ingredient that can just bring out the very best and worst of them.

Hey muchacho, Gringo Bandito Hot Sauce es muy loco. And mucho, mucho caliente. In fact, it is hot enough to turn a white dude red. When you get up on a Saturday with a monster hunger, what are you going to use as a condiment at breakfast, Gringo Bandito or ketchup? If you like your omlette kicked up and crazy, versus pussified, go ahead and sprinkle a dose of this on your over easies, hombre. You probably won't be able to siesta after though!

Heartbreaking Dawns Jalapeno Pineapple Hot Sauce - By blending fresh pineapples with traditional jalapeño flavors, Heartbreaking Dawns has created a sweet, yet seductive, premium hot sauce. It is a perfect match for chicken, pork, seafood, & rice dishes.

It is no Blarney whatsoever, Irish Scream Hot Sauce is plenty hot enough to cure an Irish man of his temper. Until he hears that crack, that is. You probably do not want to put this sauce on potatoes, especially if you are Irish, and you probably will get burned even easier than those with dark skin, but you will love love love to drink it down. When alcohol ceases to have an effect, you can rely on this sauce to get you lit up.

After a taste of Liquid Stoopid Hot Sauce, it is all up to you to prove that you have even a little bit of sense. Strike one against you for actually trying the sauce (duh). The real question remains: Will you remember who you are when you are done tasting this sauce, and what heck is 1 + 1? It just might fry your brain. Take note of your brain function now, then see what you can retain once your brain is on liquid stoopid.

Serve this Mad Dog Green Amigo Hot Sauce it is mean, green sauce up at a fiesta anytime, and you will be considered the host of the year. We are pretty sure it will win you friends from all over. And if Mad Dog Green Amigo Hot Sauce doesn't make you a ton of new friends, maybe the lingering burn has just helped you lose them. Come to think of it, chances are, if you try sauces all the time, you're already alienating them with your anal emissions.

You'll bay, howl and bellow at the moon when you stick out your tongue and lap up this Mad Dog Inferno Hot Sauce. It is just like licking the flames from a towering inferno, but you better get used to the burn! Mad Dog Inferno Hot Sauce comes at you like a dog in heat. This pack's heat is like the hounds of hell themselves. They say dog is man's best friend, but this sauce might strain the relationship a little, when the master is straining in the bathroom.

Can you stand the heat? Or will you face defeat? Make Mad Dog Liquid Fire more than a condiment or accompaniment by adding it to food like Asian food and Indian cuisine. After dinner with a little of Mad Dog Liquid Fire, you'll be cranked up for hours, and meanwhile, you're hitting the links, waiting for the burn to leave. ADD to your food, and after you taste this sauce, you'll go around in circles. You might want to look for your nearest fire hydrant or mud puddle.

Every molecule of Nuclear Fusion Hot Sauce will cause a chemical reaction. It might not do something lifechanging like find the cure for cancer, and it certainly will not find a cure for heartburn, but man, oh man, when it hits your lips, the physical reaction that takes place just might fuse your lips together. It might be a good idea to just eat with your mouth open. That way you get air intake and your lips stay independent of each other. And if you ingest enough, it might sizzle through your sphincter and fuse your buttocks too.

This Pure Jalapeno Hot Sauce is guaranteed to make you holla, and you better not be within earshot of young, impressionable children. With one explosive drop, you will experience verbal diarrhea, and perhaps even the not so good, old fashioned kind. We think you will probably share many choice words, like holy #@$%! That sauce is pure God #$%& heat! Holy hell this shit is hot. So we've covered the choice words...what do you think your last words will be?

This sauce will beat you silly, just like you were a red headed stepchild. Poor little ginger kid. We are not sure how redheads got such a bad rap really, but we guess that it is because some of them look like the color of this sauce--pure evil. And the other strike against you red heads? Lindsay Lohan. We are not sure you will ever recover. If you allow open access of this Red Headed Step Sauce to your friends and family, it might be a start though. Giving the hot is worth a shot.

Moments after you taste this sinfully delicious sauce you'll soon encounter the wrath of Satan's Rage. You will experience a burning sensation that can only come from the world's hottest chile, the Ghost Pepper. Other ingredients include red wine vinegar, chile sauce, ghost peppers, Peri Peri peppers, garlic, onion, cayenne pepper, chile powder & chipotle powder.

This bitch is angry, worked up, and looking for some serious revenge. In fact, Scorned Woman Hot Sauce is so hot it could probably find a way to slash your tires and key your car! Hell hath no fury like this sauce. You may have kept the company of some other sauce in the past, and she knows all about it. Don't think she's not on to you. She's been checking your messages and following you just to keep tabs.

Sir Fartalot Hot Sauce - It probably will not be a good Knight for you, stuck in the metal suit with your own methane! You would be a Knight in shining armor, if it was not for the constant gas you have had wearing down the metal. Those toxic farts have taken the luster out completely. Funny that they make a cod piece, when it is probably the only part not affected by the sauce. You better hope your suit has an escape hatch in the bottom area.

You will drop a bomb on everyone after you get a bit of The Bomb Hot Sauce. We will not call you the unibomber, because chances are you will not just drop one bomb, but several before it is all out of your system. Like a bomb, your behind could wipe out everyone around you. Better make sure there are no women or children around, and you might want to build a fall out shelter for your family.

It will take a lot more than a few good men to help you to your feet after you try You Can't Handle This Hot Sauce. And just like Jack Nicholson, this sauce is a little shade of crazy. Okay, its shade of crazy is pretty deep. This sauce will give you that crazed look in your eye. All work and no fun makes you a dull boy, all work and none of this sauce will be a lot worse to the psyche.